Gettin’ Old

Last November 6, I just turned 20. When I was in high school, I had this fear of having my age start with 2 and not 1 anymore. All throughout college, i still pick on people I know that turn 20. I’d say “Haha, tigulang na ka!” In tagalog it’s “… ‘tanda mo na!” (Should i translate to French and Mandarin too? Hehe.. Nah.. =p) Well, what do you know, I’m here now. I’m twenty and there ain’t no turning back.

The fear basicaly is grounded on being called old and seen as someone who loses the right to play young. You know, you are expected to act a certain way, to give up irresponsible childish behaviors like forgetting to pick up the laundry, and what not. You basicaly become more liable and you cannot evoke your right to this and that which we as kids use all the time in reasoning out. Getting old was just unimaginable. Good thing we have media which portraits age as nothing but a number. We see 80 year olds marrying 19 year olds, anna nicole smith is another example, this girl from sex and the city (I only saw threee episodes of this series, I was 15 then) who practically have more sex than a teenager (by sex i mean the three forms and I argue there is a fourth which is thinking about it). Reality and entertainment show the idea that getting or staying on the game isn’t defined by your age at all. Except of course if you’re a teacher and you turn 60 (=p). Growing up with the rest of the world exposed to this idea, I guess I could say I was able to overcome the fear of hitting the big ole 20 just fine.

The way I see it, I cannot erase the fact that certain things are expected of me. If you have a mom like mine, you don’t have to turn twenty to be reminded to act your age. In my case, it’s really not about cartoons or anime either because I was never a fan (except finding nemo though or other pixar films which I argue isn’t for kids only! Okay, this belongs to another post, I’ll not elaborate.) to begin with. It’s not about trading cards or other toys too. It’s about the attitude and how you look at things differently. The things you expect from relationships you establish with people. The way you reorganize and redefine what’s essential and what’s not. The way you react on issues about you and others. The way you can just laugh at things that used to piss you off. The choices you make, the definition of compromise, and the new search for happiness.

In retrospect getting old introduces these changes but the basic are still there. I still appreciate a rainy afternoon as I did in 5th grade — not because I find an excuse not to go to class but because I feel the urge to text someone “I wish you’re here” (It’s different from booty call! I’m trying to be romantic.). I still argue with my parents every once in a while but this time I’m more sure that at the end of the day, they are or have become subjects of my love or something like that. I realize that silence exists! And silence demands response, whether you hate it ’cause it makes you remember things so you try to call a friend on the phone to brush it off or you enjoy it ’cause it makes you think.

All in all celebrating a birthday doesn’t remind you of how old you’ve become. Rather, it’s the things that you do and the things that you have done throughout the years that remind you whether your getting old is something worth celebrating or not.

HAPPY birthday to me!